Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Just Wait Until I Explain Cramps and Mood Swings

Well, first, something good.

Determined NOT to be the children's maid this summer, I instituted CHORES. 

This house has one full bathroom upstairs and a half bath (toilet and sink) downstairs. They have to each clean a bathroom before they can play on the Internet, watch teevee, or go outside. We will rotate the responsibilities after Skittles works off her debt from the Great Chocolate Caper. Until then, Skittles has the upstairs bathroom.

They are doing it right now. 

Now, something bad.

Continuing in the Let's Buy You a Bra theme, I decided it was time to make sure Skittles had all her Facts of Life in order. 

"Do you understand this whole menstruation thing?" I asked her yesterday morning when we found ourselves alone.

Turns out, she did not. Horrors. I am remiss.

So I found one of my many million Birthin' Babies Books and showed her some of those cutaway pictures of female anatomy. 

I explained how the uterus prepares every month for the egg, which travels down the Fallopian tubes. If the egg meets sperm, it becomes fertilized and plants itself in the uterus' prepared lining. If not, then the uterus sheds that lining. This is what we call a "menstrual period" I told her.

She burst into tears.

"For how long?" she sobbed.

Me: "Oh, maybe five to seven days each month."

Her: "EVERY month?"

Me: "Well, yeah. Until you get to be about my age. Then it stops."

Cue Lucille Ball-style wailing. 

A little while later she is talking on the phone with her father, who is calling from Moscow. I overhear her side of the conversation.

He must have asked "How are you?"

Her: "Mama told me something BAD . . ."

He must have asked her what that was.

Her, crying again: "The uterus sheds its prepared lining!"


valentina said...

OH poor Skittles. I was about her age when I sat next to my mama on the sofa and had "the talk." This was way before 6th grade when they shuffled all of the girls down to the auditorium stage where they had folding chairs set up and showed us "The Movie" which was the Kotex film about "Womanhood." I of course new ALL about all of this before hand as I had had my 9 year old talk. My mom had even explained contraception to me. I remember thinking "I"m not ever going to want to do THAT!" HA!

So have they explained this stuff to Baboo in school or have you?

You know I believe in chores!
Not too many but enough to help to instill responsibility and family team work... that sort of thing... You are not a harsh mistress...

So what was the chocolate incident anyhow?

Looking forward to seeing you. Hope you are having a blast. xov

The Expatresse said...

Ahhh. The Chocolate Caper.

Skittles had been on a chocolate binge of sorts . . . seemed to have a lot of it around. I was pretty sure whenever she went out to "scooter," she was going to the store and buying candy.

But whatever.

Then, one day, her sister, who was known for being extremely lax with her money, announces it is all missing.

Skittles takes the Fifth. But we all know.

So she has to work off her debt. About $30 worth.

valentina said...

WoW! $30 worth of chocolate is quite a binge. At least you know that is not triggering her headaches! That's always good to know...

Especially for her, poor thing, to not be able to eat chocolate would be a real deprivation!

So how is she working it off?

WE can all understand the chocolate binge but swiping your sister's money is another thing altogether! xov

Tina in CT said...

I know that some chocolate in Moscow is expensive but she was probably buying the bars. She is addited to chocolate. Not good about taking her sister's stash though. You're doing the right thing to make her work it off.

I always had chores as a child and I was an only. I gave my daughter chores too. It's good to grow up with the responsibilities.

My ex gave my daughter the talk about sex ed as it just sort of happened. I was relieved that I was let off. I don't remember the period talk but I'm sure I gave it. Love your dialogue of your daughter's reaction. Priceless.

What was your husband's answer to her remark about what was so bad?

Yes, I'm home still recuperating. I had my beach chair watching my neighbor's tree people cut down huge trees today. Now when I have my oomph, I never could have sat there that long doing nothing but watching tree cutting and a man having to climb up the trees to top them.

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