Thursday, September 17, 2009

Blow. And a Plug.

I don't have any Moscow-related wonders/horrors/chuckles to share lately as I have been sort under self-imposed house-arrest with my cold. It, that is, the cold, is coming along nicely, given that it swept in without warning on Saturday night during dinner out at a Posh Moscow Restaurant, effectively ruining any notions I had about a little Saturday Night Romance With The Spouse.

Poor Spouse.

He was due, too, since Date Night was his idea.

Aside: Romance has become increasingly difficult these days, what with the light sleeping habits of The Skittle-One, her sudden awareness that her parents are (HORRORS!) sexually active, and her heartfelt wish that they refrain from doing so ever again until she has moved out. "I promise to do so as quickly as I can," she added. Talk about a block. Suggestions? Our apartment is very small.

But I digress.

Date Night was The Spouse's idea because we quarreled earlier in the week. Well, if you want my side of the story, he was Crank Monster and snapped my head off one night because he said I did not announce that I was going to bed and left him, alone and sad, in the living room.

In his defense, that was, indeed, the series of events.

Except, as I may have mentioned, we live in an apartment the size of a refrigerator box.

He could see my feet on the bed from where he sat, abandoned, on the living room sofa.

I had wandered off to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth, and then became distracted with toenail clipping and whisker removal and eyebrow tweezing and moisturizing and then remembered that I was right at the exciting part in my book and it was getting close to 11 o'clock and if I wanted to see the conflict resolve that night I'd better hurry up and get to it before it got too late.

So I was lying in bed reading my book when he came in and told me off.

The next day he declared we deserved a little time away from kids so we could work on our strengths, which really is being the best of friends and talking non-stop. In spite of the odd economic climate, he has had a couple of all-nighters recently, and he's just not 18 anymore. He has been exhausted, and this is never a good thing.

Once I arranged for the babysitter, he actually made a dinner reservation!

It's not like the man can't pick up the phone on his own, but he is usually so concerned about consensus that we have to discuss everything.

Sometimes a girl just wants to go on a date. That's already arranged. Because her fella already knows what she likes.

I had told him that a few weeks ago, and he remembered, and just did it. Which was so nice.

So I got to have breast of duck with foie gras, ginger puree, endive, plum wine, savoy cabbage, and oyster mushrooms. Oh, and a martini (actually TWO). And it was gooooood.

Except that on the way to the restaurant my throat began to hurt like hell. In the middle of the night I could no longer swallow, it hurt so much, and I repaired to the living room sofa where I dozed and watched a very old episode of Jon and Kate Plus Eight (where they still, apparently, liked each other).

Sunday I slept all day.

Seriously. After my short stint on the sofa, I crawled back to bed and slept until noon. Around 2:00 we went out for lunch. And then I went back to bed.

By now (Thursday), the cold has progressed to the point where I am blowing what is left of my brains out through my nose. Which is all chapped and peeling. Always a good, good look, isn't it? Peeling nostril?

Oh, and I've been coughing.

In my sleep.

In spite of my best efforts to dose myself with vodka/cough supressant/NyQuil. 

The Spouse told me so.

"I have?" I was crushed. I would so hate to have to sleep next to me.

"Yeah. But you're sick," he said, not unkindly. "And the coughing lets me know you're not dead."

Awww. He's said this before, and he's quite sincere. I guess that's as positive a spin as anyone can put on it.

"The coughing," he went on. "And the snoring. Oh, and the farting."

For better or worse, eh?

I do have this gadget, which is a life-saver. Yeah, it's gross, I know. But I swear it helps. With the coughing and snoring. Not sure about the farting.

But enough about bodily functions, you say. What else is happening Chez Beet?

Well, I am loving the Kindle. Yeah, I saw a less-than-flattering review in The New Yorker. But as an expat, it's a wonderful thing. I believe that it has encouraged me to read more, partially because it is so light and easy to carry around with me. (Back in my days of car-ownership, I always, on the advice of Stephen King, carried books with me for those little moments during the day when I could get in a page or two. Commuting by foot and by Metro has made me loathe to carry more than I absolutely have to.) Since the first of the month I have already plowed through three Daniel Silva thrillers (A Death in Vienna, The Confessor, and The Defector), Christopher McDougall's Born to Run, and Heather Armstrong's It Sucked and Then I Cried. Last night I started the new Dan Brown book.

None of these cost me more than $10, and none of them had to be schlepped back to Moscow in a suitcase. I have 38 other titles already loaded on it, and even though I am not in the US, I can buy and download books through my computer.

Oh, and I tested my Kindle in the sun: mine doesn't fade.

Possibly one advantage to living in Moscow?


katbat said...

I have heard good things about that restaurant! yay for date night! Sorry you are sick - that sucks , especially with the great weather we have been having! For the night-time cough, we (my WHOLE family)rub vicks vaporub on our feet, then put on socks. It is listed online as an urban legend, but it works for us - kids too. If you have any, try it - worst case, you smell like vicks! :-) give skittles earplugs to sleep (like the kind airlines give you)! I am blessed with sound sleepers so that is my only suggestion - my kids may not have slept through the night until 2, but after that, once asleep, nothing will wake them!

Tina in CT said...

Hopefully your daughters NEVER enter your room unless they knock and are invited in. If not, start that rule.

How about doing some overnights with their friends?

Have you been taking Mucinex and Sudafed? That's what I always take with sinus problems and they work. Hope you are soon better.

The Expatresse said...

Oh Tina, read this:

The "I Can't Stop Laughing" post.

We have long had a "If you're not bleeding, don't even THINK about it!" policy. But no door in this place locks.

What we DO have is a kid who has an innate ability to sense that the FIREWORKS are 10 seconds out. Then she begins to retch, violently, in the bathroom.


Tina in CT said...

I copied and pasted the address and got an error message and it would not open.

The Expatresse said...

Tina: Check your email for the link.

Aunt Becky said...

I am totally sorry that you are coughing and sleeping and farting in your sleeping but I am really glad that you are not dead. Because that would suck.

And Jon and Kate liked each other? Really?

valentina said...

Heh Sis, Get one of those little hook and eye door latches for your bedroom door. It would even be worth investing in a hammer!

And I am all for the earplugs! The foamy kind that you squish and stuff into your ears and expand work well. I ALWAYS travel with them as urban noise is something I am no longer used to.

So sorry you have been enduring the plague. Next time send your family out for lunch just stay home and eat toast and drink tea. Going out if you can absolutely avoid it is primary I'd say. Bed rest if at all possible which I know with a family is really, really hard to come by. But I would make your kids wait on you. They are old enough to make toast and tea for pity sake!

Anyhow that is my unsolicited advice.

BTW. Why are you no longer posting new Beet issues on FB? I missed these last 2 until I just sort of got curious as you had not announced in so long and I was about to scold you for slacking off!

Hope you are feeling better now but as it has only been a day I doubt it. Stay in bed with your kindle! xov

Jojo, Julz, Julianne said...

The floor on the Other side of the bed...If interrupted, say you're wrapping gifts and "GEt Out"!!

you have to go back and read Moscow Rules, the story before the Defectors..

And I don't pass gas..I am single, so there's no one to tell me otherwise!

The Expatresse said...

I read Moscow Rules first. That's what got me started. Great fun.

Ian said...

I had a problem with my 14 year old just like the one you are having with Skittles. I handled it by just openly discussing the whole thing with him. After a couple of "Yep I got lucky last night do you want to hear about it?" he was so horror stricken that he asked me to never speak of it again and he has promised not to bring it up either! I may have scared him for life but it was sort of fun....

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