Thursday, December 17, 2009

Well, That's Just GRATE!

Long day, partially because I got roped into playing Mama Cop at the Noël en musique au lycée français. Four hours of my life I'll never get back.

I agreed to help out because there is so little I can do for the school, being French-impaired and all, and this was language-lite. I asked when the Nice French Mom called me and guilt-ed me into doing this: "Do I have to talk? To kids?"

"Mais, non," she replied. All I had to do was glare and shush people.

The four hours consisted of kids from the school's upper grades performing musical numbers for their peers.

Badly.

So the peers tend to get bored and bavarde.

That's French for blabbermouth. Isn't it a great word?

But seriously. I sat (well, actually I stood) through FOUR HOURS of
  • "Boughi-Boughi Thonkie-Thonkie" (er, that's "Boogie-Boogie Tonky-Tonky")
  • "Au Champs Elysées" (twice)
  • "A Time for As" . . . you know, from Romeo and Juliet
  • A soul-less rendition of "Hot n Cold de Katy Perry"
  • A different "Boughi-Boughi"
  • CHOPSTIX for God's Sake
  • Some kid playing "Smoke on the Water" badly
  • A passionless version of "Listen to Your Heart"
  • A dreadful version of "You Are Not Alone"
  • And two bands.
Oy. The bands.

If the administration had any idea what those English lyrics meant, I somehow doubt they would have been allowed to perform in school. And what was up with the go-go dancer? Her already short skirt kept creeping higher and higher until, I kid you not, her cootchie was right there. I looked at the younger kids in the audience at that point. Hilarious. They were just stunned.

I had such hopes for the geeky red-headed kid with the electric guitar. I was SO sure he was gonna fire up AC/DC's "Shook me All Night Long." I was SO SURE.

Alas.

Say what you will about American education, but I went to high school with some talented musicians. On my walk back to the Metro I counted off at least five classmates of mine who were concert level. A couple are professionals.

My kids, of course, were stellar. (These are my first attempts at using the "video" feature on my camera. And uploading videos. Bear with me.)

video video

video

But I digress.

I got home and found I still had some of that lovely bolognaise sauce in the freezer. AND the remains of the Chunk O' Parmesan.

Which I set about grating.



Note to self: don't use the box grater. Use this thing to grate cheese:



Or you'll end up with a Knuckle Sandwich. Ew.



Yeah. That's a SpongeBob Band-Aid. I just grabbed one.

Then I applied this tried-and-true cure:



Ah! All better.

4 comments:

valentina said...

Dreadful! At least when we were kids and sang Xmas carols we all knew the tunes and the words. Last night I was with 5 other women friends and we sang carols and it was amazing how we all remembered the words! And I don't even mind the religious ones too mucH... BUT Christmas music can be deadly, especially when it is piped out over the streets and in the malls and stores all day and all night... They really know how to inure you to what once were lovely songs... Anyhow, you certainly have my sympathy!

As you do for your grated fingers! Was that blood on the grater? Sounds like a bad heavy metal song title!

Today is bright and cold, well for here it it cold--36 and clear... Nothing compared to the walk in freezer you live in there! But soon you will be home in Ohio enjoying our balmy winter in the 30s!


Enjoy the rest of Moscow Christmas! xov

The Expatresse said...

Oddly, for being the Christmas Music Festival, there was absolutely NO Christmas music.

Today was only -19C. Tropical. Really. It felt so much better.

No blood on the tracks. I mean grater. A delayed reaction.

moscow daily photo said...

When my kids started going to French schools I noticed a big drop in the entertainment level at the student shows. I don't know if it's not my culture or what, but let me just generalize and say the French do not know how to put on a show. I wish my kids went to Japanese schools, Japanese people know how to entertain each other, they take tons of music lessons so they can all play instuments well and the boys don't mind dressing up as girls if it will make everyone laugh really hard. And Americans, we're big and loud and know how to do rock and roll.

The Expatresse said...

The kids and I have discussed the strengths and weaknesses of the French.

STRENGTHS: While filthy, Paris remains at the top of everyone's Most Romantic Cities. The French excel at food, wine, fashion, and accessorizing. They are wonderful party hosts knowing how to introduce guests to each other. They create charming romantic comedies, although there is an unfortunate tendency for everyone to die. FIN.

WEAKNESSES: They are masters of bureaucracy. They cannot create nor should they be permitted to perform rock music. This includes hip hop and rap.