I C M P!

A B C D B B?

L! M N O B B!

S A R B B. I C M P!

[Sound of Expatresse cracking herself up . . .]

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week and signing autographs in the lobby after each show.

I do love sophomoric toilet humor, don't you?

I was thinking about this because, typically for me, I have procrastinated until the very last minute about doing anything to prevent Cat-O from peeing in the bathtub all the time. Summer Dacha is now T minus something less than 48 hours. And I am already feeling guilty saddling The Spouse with Catsitting Detail.

Now on the one hand, cat pee in the bathtub has certain advantages: it's not so hard to clean up. Certainly easier than scooping. AND it saves on scoop-able cat litter.

But on the other hand, it is gross.

The Spouse and I probably spent 20 minutes this morning on the phone with each other, googling "Cat Pees in Bathtub." We had just finished amusing ourselves by reading titles of emails we found in our spam folders. I never look in my spam folder, but there are some real jewels in there, I tell you. You should check your spam folder. Some more notable titles include the following:

Get hose growth every day
Make her shout like alarm
Get a full-mast again!
Need mouse to become tiger?
Support your custard launcher

Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out what they're pushing.

Then there are the email titles designed to make you think they are real emails:

Didn't we arrange meeting?
Code for activation
Your naked video on tube
Please delete photo

I can see the first line of the body text, too, and sometimes the combination is pure poetry. My absolute favorite one has this title: Whether the shrimps or crawfish grey. Then the first line of the body text reads Will not stay, will not stay.

Poetry.

So if you go to Google, and you start to type "cat pees . . ." all sorts of great options pop up:
cat pees outside box
cat pees on bed
cat pees on everything
cat pees on carpet
cat pees in sink
cat pees a lot
cat pees blood
cat pees on furniture

All I can say is some people are having a significantly worse day than I am. And that both The Spouse and I have way too much free time on our hands.

Now, I long suspected the tub-peeing could by a symptom of a urinary tract infection. But if I don't acknowledge it, then I don't have to deal with it, right?

We read a lot of suggestions about how to get one's cat to decide not to pee in the tub. Follow them in and squirt them with water when they commit the crime. Line the tub with aluminum foil because they hate the feel. The best one: fill the tub with a few inches of water. That brings a great image to mind, no?

Heh heh heh. Gotcha you tub-peeing little shit!

All great entertainment, but if the little shit . . . er, fellow really has a UTI, we would be remiss not treating it.

And since it is my cat . . .

I called the vet. I was instructed to collect a sample in a clean jar (easy since he pees in the tub . . . oh, and I did throw away the syringe thingy lest it be used to give liquid medicine to a child some day), put it in the fridge, and call back.

The children thought keeping a jar of cat pee in the fridge was disgusting. These are the same two people who had no qualms at all about storing Cat-O's testicles in the fridge for a week when we had him neutered. (Long story. Don't ask.) But two tablespoons of sterile urine in a sealed jar? Ugh.

It just looks like a little left-over vinaigrette. I bet you can't even spot it.


I'll give you a clue:So I called the vet back and was told to go downstairs immediately and hand the jar and some money over to their son who was serving as Cat Pee Courier. I handed it off and apologized. He sighed and shrugged in resignation. I'll let you know when the results are in.

In other news, I got this adorable toy yesterday. Isn't Mr Rabbit just wonderful?


When you move him around in a circle, his little carrot-shaped spade goes up and down. I also got a snow man, but he's not as charming (the waitress at our neighborhood Ukrainian place gave these to the girls).

And here is Pipsqueak. Skittles made him at school. He's very cute.

When he's not peeing in my bathtub, Cat-O is frantic to get at both these toys. He also likes to sit on a shelf that is full of breakable items. I have to extract him by his fat legs.

This is a Good Cat.


It is also a Very Relaxed Cat. (Yeah, that mess is my bed. Do not judge me. It was during the weekend.)


She's gotten so big. And while she's no rocket scientist, she does seem to be warming to us and slowly coming out of her shell. Which makes her seem ever so slightly brighter. She's no Einstein, that's for sure.

But at least she doesn't pee in the bathtub.