Wednesday, February 18, 2009

The (Dreaded) F-Word

"Flossing."

What does it always have to be flossing? First the kegels. Now this. The endless Middle Age Maintenance. When does it end? The grave?

It's been painful to chew on my left side for ages now. I already had one filling replaced, but the problem didn't go away. Last night my tooth felt . . . sensitive. At lunch, too. Honestly, I always thought people who complained about sensitive teeth were wimps.

At my medical center across the street they scheduled me with a new guy. French and oh, so fragrant. I love having my head tucked into a B.O. armpit. Almost as much as I like hearing, "I'm going to give you some anesthesia here so I can clean under the gums." Indeed, I didn't feel a thing. I also can't breathe on the left side of my nose right now.

Continuing in the F-word vein, Baboo has been having sex education at school these days. They are supposed to understand how the opposite sex is set up and "human reproduction." So it has been a hot topic Chez Beet.

They both understand conception, but what about contraception? I tried the Woody Allen line about oral contraception ("I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl to sleep with me, and she said 'No.' ").

C'mon. It's funny.

They just blinked at me in a "Oh, Mo-ther!" way. Maybe they don't see the humor. Or maybe they think teaching abstinence is futile.

The topic came up again at lunch today.

"We do it, you know," I pointed out.

"Yeah, well, we wish you wouldn't," came the reply.

Huh?

The moaning. The groaning. It's off-putting. We don't need anymore children, do we? They think we should just wait. Until they've moved out.

I'm of two minds about this. On the one hand, they should be glad their parents have more than "hallway sex" (where we say "fuck you" when we pass each other in the hall). On the other hand, if they find the idea horrific, maybe it will delay their interest in doing it themselves. I want them to have healthy attitudes about sex. The woman in me thinks sex a very good thing. But the parent in me reacts on a visceral level to my children being sexual beings just yet. Ask me again when they are young women, I suppose.

I've given up on what we used to euphemistically refer to as "naps." There was a time and a floor plan that enabled us to put them in front of a movie on a weekend afternoon and scamper upstairs for an uninterrupted hour. In this apartment, however, our bedroom is across the hall from the living room. Without us ever discussing it, "naps" have become real naps in Moscow.

Now that we had The Talk at lunch, I'm going to feel self-conscious even at night with all appropriate bedroom doors closed.

I guess after my cold shower I can always floss, right?

8 comments:

MoscowMom said...

Oh! Wow, you can tell the difference in that my 8-year-old is the OLDER sister. Yours, however, has an older sister in sex ed class and the talk spread to the whole family...

I'm so not ready for that!

Your girls are lucky to have mom who WILL talk to them. I think you're setting a great example!

katbat said...

I thought I left a comment earlier - but didnt show - here is round 2 -
On the way home from the hospital after delivering the baby (now 8 weeks!) my husband informed me that he had "the talk" with our 8 year old son (btw, our 6 year old daughter was in the car too). Great - apparently P wanted to know exactly what we did to make the baby. So, hubby explained in great technical detail. The response? "that's gross!" The only thing he neglected to tell our son is that it is something "adults do" - so I added that little bit of info later. :-)

Tina in CT said...

I totally agree with my daughter's comments in her 3rd paragraph.

I wish I'd been a fly on the wall after reading your posting today.

My daughter asked her father that question so I escaped "the talk".

valentina said...

I can remember sitting next to my mom on the living room couch when I was 9 and her explaining sex AND contraception to me. She told me that sex was a good thing and that it could lead to babies but did not have to. That when I was older I would enjoy it.

She did not explain to me about masturbation which was a flaw in her discussion.I think kids at any age have sexuality they need to explore and satisfy. That if they would learn that this was normal and did not NEED to lead to SEX with another person that they would be healthier and happier and less predisposed to early sex with others.

I thought it was gross and wasn't interested. Up until then I knew that "sperm travelled" and imagined them like army ants marching across the man's thigh onto the woman's and up into her vagina. How amazing are kid's imaginations!

But I also wondered when I was about 8, if I swallowed some watermelon seeds and a little dirt and walked around with my mouth open to let the sunshine in if I could grow a watermelon in my belly.

So this age is a very imaginative one... Some things seem just curious. Sex is one of them. It is fabulous that they are getting sex ed. I think explaining about contraception is especially important if they only teach abstinence ed. I often discuss this with my college students, what kind of sex ed they had and they ALL wish they had more and better education about sex and contraception. Our schools here really fail them they claim. And most of them didn't have parents who filled in the gaps.

I think you are doing a great job with your girls. It is totally normal for them to be grossed out by the whole process and especially about your parents "doing it!" Of course in a small apartment it makes privacy for you both to have sex difficult but kids sleep heavily too. So go for it...xov

The Expatresse said...

Maybe I should do an entry about the things we have wrong on this subject as a kid.

I have always been so pleased that I don't flinch when they ask. It's always been very matter of fact.

parallaxbrief said...

I went to a speed reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves Russia

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