Thursday, January 8, 2009

In Which I Examine the Road to Hell

The children returned to school this morning.

In a show of solidarity, I accompanied them and The Spouse on the trek through the dark and snowy streets of Moscow. The plan: drop off the girls, have a nice breakfast with The Spouse, and then take advantage of a Child-Free Day.

So. Are we having sex like crazed weasels in every room in the house? Finally visiting Lenin's Tomb or the Pushkin Museum?

Nyet!

The Spouse is watching Russian soap operas while I continue to blow the part of my brain once responsible for the ability to do long division out through my chapped and raw nostrils.

There is no other way to say this: I have the MOTHER of all colds.

I no longer fear Hell.

"I'm sorry," I snuffled to The Spouse once we returned to our apartment. We did have breakfast out (which I could not taste) and provisioned. "I had every intention of going out and exploring something new in Moscow. But it's just too fucking hard."

I have friends who used to live in Moscow who are rolling their eyes as they read this, I know. But it is difficult enough to weigh yourself down with layers of clothing, penguin-shuffle across the icy sidewalks, and sweat in the Metro. Add to that the fact every cough reminds me that I need to do more Kegel exercises . . . well, I think that already qualifies as "Too Much Information," don't you?

6 comments:

valentina said...

As I said below, you have my deepest sympathy for your snot filled state. And I think you should get one of those Russian Mother's medals for escorting your family to school today despite the gloom and doom of the Moscow winter...and to think you could have remained cozy and warm in the sack!! THAT IS WHY I NEVER BECAME A MOTHER. I AM JUST TO SELFISH WHEN IT COMES TO MY SLEEP!! Ah but how I loved it in Spain while reading in bed at 3am when little Skittles would come wandering in and curl up beside me for a bit and then we would go off to fetch her a glass of water and she would drink and settle back in to the land of nod in her own little nest. So thanks again for sharing your girls with me. How my life has been enriched by all of you and I hope will continue to be... ( I would say "pray" but I am just too Unitarian to do so...) Anyhow...( to quote Adnan yet again...) I do hope your cold passes and your taste and smell returns and you can splash on some lovely scent, get dolled up and go out for a lovely Anniversary celebration.

I will be home here in the bleakness of Ohio winter petting the cats and hanging with my friends for the last free weekend before the onslaught of paper grading begins. (But it is my job and I love it...there's just so damned many of them...)

So it is good to know that despite slogging on the road to hell that you have not lost your sense of humor. xxxooooV

Dawn said...

I had a cold like that once and you wonder how so much snot can come out of your nose and your head not cave in!! As for the Keigle excercises I was thinking that before I read your typed words. Dangerous mission coughing and sneezing in public!!

Real Estate Feast--South Florida real estate blog said...

Wife Extraordinaire and I just returned from a soujourn to Carmel, California for the holidays. The weather was idyllic--clear blue skies, 40's at night, 60's in the day--so did we spend a lot of time out and about enjoying? Nope. She was never more than ten feet from the bed and and arm's length from the tissue papers with the cousin to your Mother of a cold. Suffice it to say we won't go into the details of mucous colorations or the invectives heaped upon my head for "giving her the cold". I had the sniffles a few days before and don't really think what she had was at once mine and I am certainly not responsible for all the viruses in airports and planes, but there you go. I'm still in the doghouse now that we're home and she's finally feeling better. I'm thinking about going out and licking doorknobs until I get sick so she'll feel better.

Troy Markham said...

I hate getting sick like that. The only thing worse than how you feel is that to others you have a "cold" which just briefly measures as discomfort in other people's minds. You particularly hate the ones who reply "Yes, I think I might have a cold too" and then sniffle or something. As if to compare to your misery.

Actually maybe the worst thing is wondering what the hell your immune system is doing after days and days of the misery dragging on. In the back of your mind you vaguely remember abusing your body through alcohol and lack of sleep and eating badly, but still it hardly seems like an appropriate time to settle accounts. Do they sell NyQuil there? The only thing that keeps me going through that stuff is NyQuil. I have crates of it in the garage and I refuse to use the little cup that comes with it. I just swig it like an old man with a flask.

TRex said...

Psst, vodkino.

Cheap replica handbags said...

Louis Vuitton,LV Luggage,LV Wallets,LV Agendas,LV Belts,LV Shoes,LV Accessories,Gucci,Gucci Wallets,Gucci Shoes,Marc Jacobs handbags,Marni handbags,Miu Miu handbags,Mulberry handbags,Prada handbags,Thomaswylde handbags,TOD handbags,Bottega Veneta handbags,D&G handbags,Dior handbags,YSL handbags,Coach handbags